Over the last couple of decades, our culture has shifted and we spend less time connected to our spouse, my goal is to change that. Date night is how you actively try to move forward in your marriage. And at-home dates are how you manage to make it work even if your on a tight budget or major homebody.

If you are in the trenches with little kids, it’s easy to fall into the roommate phase of marriage, because your kids literally depend on you for life, so your marriage naturally gets less attention.

“If you’re not actively trying to move forward, you’ll drift backwards.” – Christine Caine

When we first realized that we needed regular date nights, we could afford the date or the babysitter but not both. So we got creative and started doing at home dates once the kids were in bed and there was no need for a babysitter.

4 Ways to Make an At-Home Date Feel Like a Date

@byemilylawson Making an at-home date feel like a real date is key to this working. Here’s why you need these four ideas. 1️⃣ I originally wanted Eric to be responsible for all things setting up a date because I felt like I should be swept off my feet. Eric lovingly disagreed and said he didn’t want that sole responsibility. Now he takes the first Saturday of every month because he works like clockwork, and I pick a second Saturday in the month that works for our schedule. Honestly, I’m the more creative one, so I like that I plan dates now. 2️⃣ there’s a huge difference between sitting on the couch pulling up Netflix and saying what do you want to watch vs dimming the lights, lighting candles, pouring a bottle of wine and turning on Brave heart. Movies and boardgames are going to be common with at home dates, but you can still set the mood to make it feel thoughtful. 3️⃣ this one shouldn’t have to be said, it doesn’t matter if you’re at home or out in public, enjoy the time you’ve set aside for the date and forget about everybody else 4️⃣ If your kids are not sleeping through the night, this is gonna be a challenge, but once they’re sleeping through the night, it is totally OK and healthy to set the boundary that unless there’s an emergency date night is mom and dad’s time together and kids need to go to sleep or stay in their room. 11 days until you can have all the at-home date night ideas in a book. The Family Playbook which includes my date night guide waitlist is open. Comment FAMILY and I will send you the link! #datenight #athomedatenight #dateyourspouse #datenightin #datenight❤️ #datenightideas #athomedateideas ♬ original sound – Emily | date nights + family

Take Turns Planning

Both people want to feel special in the relationship. I expected Eric to do all the planning. He did not thrive under that pressure. When created a clear expectation (each person plans one date a month) it was easier. We even plan for Eric’s date to be the 1st Saturday of the month because his brain works with structure.

Show a Clear Effort

There’s a huge difference between sitting on the couch pulling up Netflix and saying what do you want to watch vs dimming the lights, lighting candles, pouring a bottle of wine and turning on Brave Heart. When we say it is the thought that counts, this is what we mean. Having a plan, even if it is just selecting the movie and snack ahead of time, shows thoughtfulness.

No Phones

Enjoy your time with your partner. People like to be like a 7 year old child who finds the exception top everything on the internet. Obviously if you are playing a game that requires you to scan a QR code to move to the next step, you can use your phone. The point is, don’t mindlessly scroll or check texts & emails. Give your partner your full attention.

No Kids

Once they’re sleeping through the night, it is totally OK and healthy to set the boundary that unless there’s an emergency, date night is mom and dad’s time together. We are honest with our kids and tell them that before they came it was just us and it is important that we have time for just us because it keeps our marriage stronger and happier. Occasionally, you also see my kids in the background of a date night video. They sneak out of their room and watch and that makes me so dang happy. They are old enough that they will just watch and not interrupt, and I love that we are setting the example for them of what a happy and healthy marriage looks like.

Prioritize Your Marriage

It started because we could afford a date or a babysitter but not both.

But we keep doing it because we are home bodies & the creativity in at home dates is 10x better than dinner out.