Every time I share about my friends on social media, I get DMs saying, “how do you make friends as an adult’ or “I wished I had a friend group like that.”
For reference, my family moved from CA to TN when I was 30. I knew no one, but I knew I needed to prioritize community because I had it when Eric was in the military and lost it when we moved back to CA and my happiness plummeted too. I’m a quiet, introverted, and painfully awkward person but I thrive with community. So I prioritized it.
How I Made Freinds
- We moved to the suburbs. We lived in the country in CA and it turns out people on acres of land want to be left alone. So when we more to TN, we purposefully chose suburbs and neighbors
- Introduced myself to the neighbors. I sat outside and watched the kids play with neighborhood kids for the first few weeks when we moved in. Eventually their parents noticed and introduced themselves. I also made a point to chat with the parents at the bus stop everyday.
- Make the first move. Invite someone out to lunch or on a walk. One of those days when I was sitting outside watching my kids play, I saw two of the women looking cute and heading out together. They were clearly going out for a girls night. I waved to them, chatted a little, told they looked cute, and when they said they were heading to girl’s night I said, “How fun! I’d love to come to the next one.” Since then I’ve been included.
- Say yes when invited. When we first moved in we said yes to every single invite we got. If you decline, people will take the hint. Say yes, be available, and if you genuinely aren’t available make a concrete plan to reschedule.
- Be a villager. Everyone wants a village but no one wants to be the villager. Be the villager. When a friend tells you that their kid is sick, be the person who drops off dinner and popsicles on their porch. When you get yourself a large Diet Coke to celebrate the first day of school, get two and leave it on your friends porch.
Before I Made Friends
When I was doing my research on how to make friends, this is what I found. I pulled ideas, inspiration, and motivation from these tips.
1. Jane Fonda literally says we have to look people in the eye and tell them we want to be friends with them. That feels a little intense for me, but I get the idea here.
2. Things.I.Bought.and.Liked shared this on her stories the other day.
3. And then Jen Reed from The Sister Studio (one of my all time faves) shared this.
The idea of making close friends is so exciting and terrifying. And it feels so complex, because we want family friends who we can share life with not just the occasional moms night, ya know.
And the self-conscious side of me thought people already have their friend group or they will think I am less worthy/there is something wrong with me for not having friends yet. Intellectually, I knew that was silly. And clearly other women are felt the same as me because this conversation is happening all over the internet.
I know how good it makes me feel to be invited out, so why not make it so that I am the one making others feel good.
Poll the People Results
This question was asked for Poll the People (which if you don’t know, it is the game we play on Instagram where you get to ask my audience any question you have and the most amazing community will answer.)
Here’s what our community suggested about making friends as an adult. The * ones are the ones I agree with.
- Be yourself, be kind, and don’t be afraid to love people
- *Don’t wait for people to ask you to hang out; text them and invite them over/out
- Take notes from the kids and just be like “I like this one! Wanna be friends”
- *Try religious organizations like MOPS or your local MomWalk
- Try the App Peanut
- Specific Facebook Groups that cater to your lifestyle
- *Volunteer any chance you can at school or sports
- *Talk to the other parents at birthday parties and school events
- Strike up a conversation at the park or library
- Join community groups, church groups, and mom groups
- *Slide into their DMs, but not in a creepy way. Become friends on social media.
- Genuinely ask people about their life/interests and invite them to do stuff
- Meetup.com
- *Be your genuine, unfiltered, honest self. Don’t waste your time with fake friends.
- Get involved in hobbies you like or take a class – golf, crafts, workout classes
- Start a supper club or book club. Post on IG or FB and see if anyone is interested
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